What Does Mom Burnout Feel Like?
Mom burnout is real. I have been there myself and have witnessed countless friends, family, and clients experience the symptoms and impacts from mom burnout.
So, what does mom burnout feel like?
As you continue reading, you’ll not only understand what mom burnout is but identify if that’s something you may be experiencing.
Who Experiences Mom Burnout
According to an article posted by the American Psychological Association, mom burnout can impact a variety of cultures.
The article discusses a study suggesting parents from individualistic cultures (usually western) experiencing increased burnout because of their desire to compete against others, be perfect, and focus on performance.
Western cultures are also less likely to seek support from others leading to less resources and more stress.
What does this mean?
TOO MANY STRESSORS + NOT ENOUGH RESOURCES = BURNOUT
Symptoms of Mom Burnout
Below is a list of symptoms describing what mom burnout may typically feel like:
Constantly feeling overwhelmed
Fatigue or physical exhaustion
Emotionally exhausted and withdrawn
Easily annoyed and irritable
Constantly stressed about getting tasks done
Feeling distant from your loved ones, including your children
Never feeling good enough
Feeling like you have little to no time for self-care/recharge
You may have experienced some of these symptoms due to temporary increased stressors. Overtime you find these symptoms dissipate or are manageable.
It’s normal to have stressors and this can impact you temporarily or based your current situation.
However, when you find that you are experiencing one symptom after another and it feels like it’s starting to impact your relationships, level of energy, or your daily life, that’s when burnout is starting to show up.
What Do I Do Now
Now that you’ve identified some of the symptoms of mom burnout you are experiencing, please follow the next steps…
Take a DEEP breath or two or three…. okay four deep breaths
Give yourself a hug… squeeze tight!
Tell yourself in a loving tone… I WILL get through this
You CAN relieve these symptoms.
It’s POSSIBLE to stop living in a constant state of mom burnout!
First, you need to identify what your stressors are. List them all down on paper.
Now go through each one and ask yourself if there is a way you can lighten the load for each one? Let someone help you or do the task less often or in a different way that’s less stressing to you?
Don’t hold back from saying no to events, tasks, or other activities that may be increasing your stress and is not necessary to participate in. It’s okay to say no!
Next, identify what resources you need more of in order to manage all the stress? This is SO important because there will always be some form of stress so having as many resources as we can is a plus.
Maybe you need to find ways to cope with what you are feeling, or talk to someone about it.
Do you need to work through mom guilt or give yourself permission it’s okay to ask for support?
It’s important to build a healthy support system (partner, family, friends, church, community resources, support group, childcare, etc.) at any stage of life and especially during motherhood. Building up our support system gives us a variety of resources we can utilize. This can be helpful because each support/resource is uniquely different and valuable depending on the support we need at the time.
Asking for support DOES NOT mean you aren’t a great parent or that you are weak. You are actually, in my opinion and many others, admirable for being vulnerable enough to let people help you. I don’t think any of us were meant to be alone, we all need support one way or another.
It also role-models to our children that having a support system is normal, beneficial, and such an amazing resource to help manage stress.
Maybe it would be helpful to join mom groups in-person or online, or connect with moms you already know. Ask them what their resources look like and how they cope?
There is so much value in learning from each other!
Most importantly, even though this may seem impossible… you NEED (not want) to prioritize yourself!
You may be thinking… HOW? WHEN? My kids need me. I feel guilty when I’m not prioritizing my family or work over me.
You deserve to be prioritized! Look at all that you do for those around you. You NEED to take care of yourself too.
It’s just like the flight attendant tells us when the airplane is about to take off, we need to grab our own mask first before we put a mask on someone else.
You can’t help those around you if you aren’t getting in your own oxygen. You NEED to prioritize the time for you over something else in your routine. Just like you NEED to eat, drink, sleep, and breathe. It’s not a luxury (although our society sure likes to make it seem that way), it’s a NEED.
If you are having a hard time figuring out how to prioritize the time for you, I’d suggest circling back to asking other moms and trusted supports how they do it or what advice they have. Sometimes it can be super helpful to hear someone else’s view outside of your own in these situations.
If you feel that mom burnout is starting to impact your mental health by feeling excessively anxious all the time or in a depressed mood almost every day, it may be a good idea to seek support from a mental health professional.
You are always welcome to explore my counseling services for motherhood or contact me to see if I may be able to support you.
From one mom to another, I hope this helped you in some way. Remember, you ARE an amazing mama!
Christine Quintana MA, LPC, CEDS
Photo by Ksenia Chernaya on Pexels
